Fitness at its finest

I'm skinnier now than I've ever been in my whole adult life, and I'm not ready to be done yet. 

When I was in high school I always felt like the heavy one.  Not fat, but by no means as thin as my friends.  I admired from afar the "skinny" girls and I wanted to be like them.  They just seemed so flawless.  And then there was me, tall and heavy.  Not overweight, I like around a buck fifty, but not what I thought I should be and definitely not what I wanted to be.  But that didn't stop me from the road trips to McDonalds, or the munching on chips all day long.  And candy, sour patch kids among other various sorts of candy were always on my body or not far. 

Then I went to college, and though I didn't get the freshman fifteen, I did gain some in college.  But I think the worst time for me was when I worked as a preschooler teacher for special needs.  For some reason, at that time in my life I was consuming much more, and none of it was healthy.  No one said anything and yes, I knew I was getting bigger, but if no one else cared, why should I?  Wrong, I should've been the first to care and do something.

When I moved down south I had quit my teaching job of three or so years, I got rid of a man of whom was no good for me, and I left the badness behind.  I escaped.  So now that I could live, what was I going to do?

Living with my parents for a few months the first couple of months I was down here wasn't easy.  They are both overweight and have horrible eating habits.  But I was frantically searching for a job, a home, and ways to occupy my time.  With this came the weight loss.  I joined Weight Watchers.  I became obsessed with counting my points and eating healthy.  Due to the fact that I had next to nothing to do all day, I worked out.  I watched the weight come off.  I started to feel better.  When that happened, I got a job.

I've been working ever since.  I've noticed that its definitely harder to maintain balance while working when it comes to healthy eating and working out.  There are days when I just want to go home and pig out on pizza and not go to the gym.  But I try to stay motivated.  I eat healthy, but I also eat what I want.  If I know that I am going to indulge I try to do so in a healthier manner and I make up for it in exercise.

Before I moved down south I was around 200 pounds.  I was afraid to step on the scale after I saw 198, so I refused.  But I know, I know that at some point I was over.  I promised myself never to be back there.  For me it isn't so much about losing the weight as it is about loving the way I feel being healthier. 

I got down to 160 and under and I promised never to get to 160 again.  2014 was a hard year for me in this aspect.  I had gotten down to under 150 in 2013 and in 2014 I saw 160 creeping up on me again.  So something had to change.  I didn't like how I was feeling.  I woke up tired.  I woke up sad.  I woke up not wanting to do anything.

Back around Thanksgiving, I decided to join a gym again.  The tough decision was going to be which one and how much was I willing to spend.  All the gyms I had used in the past were a good distance away and I knew that the drive alone would deter me from going.  So I chose the one that I literally had to drive by on my way to work, it was a little more expensive, but I had no excuse not to go anymore.  It was 24 hours and it was small, so it worked perfectly for me. 

With the holidays and all in December and Jan, it was hard to stay focused so my weight loss hasn't been optimal, but I am happy to say that I am back down to being the smallest I've ever been in my adult life.  I feel awesome.  There are days when I cant wait to get up and work out.  There are days when my body aches.  There are days when I want pizza instead of vegetables.  But I feel good.  And I look at the scale and I am immensely happy. 

I've also started using my Fitbit on the daily.  It tracts everything for me.  In fact, I've the whole family on it now and we challenge each other to no end.  Weekend challenges, workday challenges, stairs and such.  I've everyone being active. 

If I had to chose a number, I would say that I would love to lose 20 more pounds.  I would love for 150 to be my new 200 (in terms of never seeing that number again and always staying under it) then 140, and then 130.  But I know that I will probably always be a little thicker and I don't want to look disproportionate.  My main goal is to just be healthy.  Get to a weight where I can maintain some sense of healthiness and balance in my life.