It's JUNE! I am not really sure why some times fly by, and some drag on seemingly forever.
Looking at him some times, I want to think that he is a good man. I know actions speak louder than words. I now know that his words mean nothing to me anyway. Maybe it's not that I want to think he's a good man, maybe its that I want him to be a good man. I want to believe there is good in him. And maybe at times I caught a glimpse of goodness. But maybe he was just portraying that to me, so that I could see something that he's not.
The whole time I thought I had control. All the times I pushed him away, said no, didn't give in, he was okay with it. Maybe that was just him wanting me to think he was a good man.
He sure played me for a fool. Do I know better now?
Yes, I know not to play with fire. I know that I have a voice thats loud enough to be heard. I know not to let things get too far. I know not to let anyone use me.
But still, at times, I want to think that hes not the man I currently think he is. I want to not hold a grudge because it takes too much of my energy, too much of my brain power and time, too much of what I have and I don't feel as though he deserves that.
Now I'm gunshy.
