TGIT

Last night I went to dinner with my brother and his girl and my little squirt.  I love hanging out with them, I feel so comfortable, which is different than normal for me.  We definitely have some crazy conversations.  Conversations that you normally wouldn't have with your siblings, but Trav just laughs and Jess fits in so well with how I think that I am some times amazed.

I have a wedding to go to in a few months and I am somewhat dreading it.  I don't want to be the "odd one out".  I've done it twice within the last year and though I didn't mind, it kind of sucked going home alone at the end of the night.  I didn't meet anyone, not that I really thought that I would, but hey don't some people get lucky at the end of evening of weddings?  Or is that some misconception I have? 

Not that I would ever really do it, but the thought of hiring someone (or bribing) to stand beside me crossed my mind.  Now, all the people at the wedding know me so they'd know that this man isn't going to be someone significant, but I want people to know that "hey, ya, I can catch someone!"

Is it me?  Am I unattractive?  Too strong of a woman?  I don't know, but I don't want the "when is it going to be your turn?" or the "why aren't you married?" question to come about.

I've had two conversations today that touched on this.  One with Jess who pretty much said embrace the hell out of this shit because once you find someone, you're with that someone.  Feel the excitement of being able to walk up to a guy and talk to him without having to get someone upset.  And you never know who you're going to meet at this stupid wedding, it may be someone I will want to be my forever man.  Maybe.

The other convo was with an employee who is stressing about having to live with a man after enjoying her solitude for so long.  THAT IS ME!  I don't know if I want to deal and cope with sharing a closet or a bathroom.  Or my television.  Or my food.  Or my dog.  I only feel that I want it for special occasions and holidays. 

So I am conflicted in my thoughts.  Do I want or no?  Am I excited by the thought of being able to flirt with men at the bar at the wedding (there's one that I think will be there, could be fun)?  Am I  excited about the idea of meeting someone new?  Do I just want to roll around in the hay (or the sand, its a beach wedding) for the night and say goodbye before I have to bring him home to meet my dog?  Or do I want a forever?  I want fucking Fitz and Jake.  I want Vermont and the sun. 

I have a month to figure it out.  Guess we shall see.  I do know one thing though, I am going to be looking fucking top notch, A+, on point.  Guarantee it.  Especially with the new weight loss.