In Between

Ever have that feeling of indifference?  Whether it be over something small, something big, someone, a decision, an event, ever have it? 

I cant shake this feeling that I am supposed to be feeling something.  I wont get into specifics because they'll bore you.  They bore me, but I cant stop obsessing over them.  And yet, I just don't know what I should be feeling.  Mad, I should be mad.  But really, being mad doesn't get anyone anywhere quick.  I should be mad though...

I just don't think I have enough energy in me to be mad.  So instead, I'm stuck between being mad, being hurt, and being satisfied that I can be the person that is above all that.  I want to give a subtle hint, just a little one, so that he knows, he knows I know, but can't prove it.  So he knows I am the better person.  He being the "Mr. Handsy then play it off like it was all her" should feel like I know right? 

It's like I'm stuck in between being this person that I want to be, what my heart wants me to be, and being the person that stoops to levels that should be below anyone. 

I want to be able to look at him, have him look at me and know that I know he's a fuckboy and that I am above it all.  Give him a look that says "do what you want, I can surpass your childish, boyish acts" and be done with it.  But part of me still wants to be mad too.