Ruin

I had a conversation the other day with someone that I don't normally like to converse with because things can get out of control and I like things to maintain within my control.  I need to keep things at a professional level at all times (well most times, and always within the presence of said person).  But yesterday said person was being sweet and maybe he got laid, or maybe he got hit in the head with a "you better be nice she can fuck up your life" moment, but he was being sweet.  It was a touching moment for me that made me think about myself in a way that I haven't.  Not in a while.

"You're an attractive woman, very attractive.  And you have the world in front of you. I can see you going places within the office and even above and beyond if you so choose to do so.  Don't let anyone ruin you.  Don't let anyone ruin you."  And with that he walked away. 

So the first part wasn't what got to me.  It was the "don't let anyone ruin you" part that got to me.  I had a dream last night that woke me and I couldn't fall back asleep and that sentence was what I thought about.  Its like his words haunt me now. 
I could take his words a hundred and one ways, but I would like to think that in his gentleness he meant them in a kind way as well.  First though, I was thinking maybe he meant, do let anyone steal my sunshine.  Then I thought (because he is very religious) that he meant, do let anyone steal my virginity.  But that thought did last very long.

I've been thinking about dating lately.  But I don't just want to date.  I don't have time for that.  I really just want to get to know someone and then date.  Which is, I guess, the purpose of dating to begin with.  But I like sitting in my house, watching tv, going to the gym, and whatnot far too much to have someone I only just met to ruin that.  So his statement I am putting to heart and I am being choosy.  I am putting me first, if someone I am dating and even just someone I know doesn't like that then fuck 'em.  I'm too tired to be anything different at the moment. 

Maybe this time next year I'll actually have someone to bring to the holiday dinner and family dinners and such.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  But what I wont let anyone do, is ruin me.